He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
