Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
sarcasm needs its own font
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
