i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Randomize
