my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
