the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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