She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
