Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
