I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
