She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
