It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
