Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
