If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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