I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
