I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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