I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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