Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
