Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
me + whiskey = a bad person
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
