Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
