I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
