I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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