I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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