People in love make me want to vomit
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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