oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
