Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
