think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
