we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
