put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
