Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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