Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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