he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
