he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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