Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
