She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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