Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
