Got a toothbrush?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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