I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
