Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
