these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
