Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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