we're blogging at a bar
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
