it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
