My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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