sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
