ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
