he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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