I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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