Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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