I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
