is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
