Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
