please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
